a little down

I'm kinda down today. It's a combination of pms (which makes me susceptible to bouts of tears for no real discernible reason), reading this blog about a gentleman caring for his father who has Alzheimer's, and thinking about our situation at home. I can't help but compare his story with that our of own. The biggest difference is that his father seems a lot further along with the disease. Grandma still has some ability to reason, she can kinda follow along w/ what is going on the tv (she does better with this with programs like talk shows, news, judge Judy, etc... I'm not sure how well she follows along with dramas and sitcoms as they are longer and more complex...) She can still remember things (she still remembers some of her past, especially the negative parts) and can mostly answer you when you ask her what she had for dinner....

The other difference is that alan is dealing with taking care of his father from a different state**. Its heartbreaking and frustrating to read the drama and the stress he has to deal with with not only his father's debilitating disease but with trying to deal with his caretakers AND medicare/insurance. Right now, we're just taking care of grandma. I don't think we'd be able to get a home health care worker in the house if we wanted to. I don't think grandma would have any of that. It would be really helpful if we could get someone to come in a whole day, once a week so mom can get a break. I just don't see that happening. I am also beginning to think that we might need to watch grandma around the clock. She doesn't sleep at night. She gets up while my mom is sound asleep and CLEANS. And by cleaning, I don't mean your regular, you know, dusting or anything like that. She gets on her hands and knees (did i mention she's super frail?) and washes the floor-- from one end of the house to the other. She will also stand on chairs, bed, toilet seats, kitchen counters, to wash walls and dust the ceiling (and she wonders why she's so sore and can barely move the next day...) It's crazy!

And the sad part is, it's only going to get worse.